Happiness to me is always short-lived. Great evil comes, great good follows. But it is also true that "great good comes, great evil definitely follows".

Maybe it is when a woman is having her 'time of the month' that she is more 'heaty' and flares up easier? I hate this. *pouts*

Recently i'm super tied up with gakkai, esp. on the 90sec presentation. I seriously think that we need urgent reshuffling of leadership. I see other institutions having their trailblazers working hand in hand with their men. But this is not the case for mine. I know i shouldn't complain. Allow me to add in the word BUT.

I dun care if they can just disappear as and when they like, or just self-graduate himself from his duties when his opinions clashes with the another, but isn't that exactly what they need to overcome? On the day you took up this role readily, I bet you had never thought that your own fundamental darkness will win you over. Taking up is easy, carrying out is difficult. You should know it is not easy, but why still take up it and let everyone down eventually?

A person being busy for almost a year is ridiculous. Wad do you mean by taking a break from Gakkai? Kosen-rufu is a continuous battle, it never stops. We work when the ppl at the other side of the globe is asleep, and vice versa. The moment you want to take a break, sorry, you're out of the box. OUR box.

This thing has been provoking me since the day i joined the institution. There's something different about the people in here that i have to adapt to after leaving ASD. In the former, we underwent strict trainings from our pioneer batches of IICs like Choon Huat, Mei Ming, Ming Ying, Jih Yang, Jia Yang, Cheng Hia, Teck Kiang, Marie etc. No matter how busy they were, they were a group of dedicated seniors whom i deeply respected from the bottom of my heart. We fought alongside alot of battles together, underwent alot of struggles between studies and campaigns. Even life & death battle. That was the happiest battle we've won, i remember.

I thought we could make a difference. That was wad I really thought so when the 3 of us from ASD were appointed as CICs last October in ITAC. I can even rem the burning desire inside me to want to do my best while penning down my resolutions for last Nov's WINGS. But now i am starting to get disillusioned.

My dearest comrade who is supposed to be in-charge of the item with me is now overseas enjoying her holidays. I dun blame her as this is an unforseen circumstances. But I can confidently say that out of 5 IICs, only 1 knows exactly wad we will be doing for the nationwide meeting. Although there were only a few of us, but we did out best to meet up right away on Wed, and bought our materials to start sewing and preparing on Thurs and Fri. I even requested one of the YMDs Yiheng to come over to my place after his NDP to help me out till 1am. My comrade Zixin is the one whom stays with me throughout even when she is seriously sick till merely talking is painful for her. I can see Benjamin and Shihan's tired faces from all the turmoil behind the HR skit. Where are all your support, our ITAC ''trailblazers''?

Yes I know i should not complain, challenge ma, that's wad you all will always say. But that's also wad i don't see in you. If you want others to follow the right path, at least show to them that you are trying to. Apart from TP's puppet show, I can tell you that our item is one of the best and freshest ideas among other institutions, we should be proud. But when i was giving a preview of wad we will be doing, i felt that my eyes were burning. I felt sad, and sorry for my fellow CICs and members. Fancy 3 CICs talking to other IICs from all institutions. We were definitely not feeling intimidated, but we know you can do more. If you all did not know, our institution had no IIC but the most no. of CICs today, you should feel proud of us. And guilty of yourself.

I seldom criticise my leaders, but i cannot hold it anymore this time round. IICs should be the strongest pillar of support for their CICs while they carry out their tasks to serve the members. If the pillars aren't strong, how would you expect the tower to stand high and proud amidst all the dark clouds? Stand alone does NOT apply here. How can you expect my fellow CICs to stand alone when they dun even KNOW that there are meetings or activities?

Please have the least responsibility and respect to yourself and others. If you're not coming back and not wanting to contribute anymore, nicely hands it over to a responsible counterpart and justify yourself when everyone is around. Don't just disappear suddenly leaving behind us the lost sheeps. I can't believe you don't even reply our smses when we needed you at times of crisis like this.

"... But if any of Nichiren's disciples disrupt the unity of many in body but one in mind, they would be like warriors who destroy their own castle from within."
(WND, p217)

HELL YES YOU ARE RIGHT I AM IN THE STATE OF ANGER. I sincerely hope other IICs pls do not do this cruel thing to your CICs in future. It's like asking them to fight a battle without providing them the horses. Not only they will lose the battle, the warriors themselves will suffer.

No matter wad, my crude remarks and lament will only be valid till today. Tml will be a fresh day for me with new determination. I can be nice and lalala~ for everything else except this. I believe Sensei will be as strict if not even more. You can bring my spirit down for a day, but not forever. I'll have no wisdom if i'm going to get affected for a long period of time. I'll grow, and you will not. Please chant more for your wisdom for goodness sake. I'll chant for all your happiness too.

*posted on Sunday, 8 July 2008, 3.01am*