Last week was a rough week for my family.

Everything happened so suddenly, so much so that we didn't had any hunch of wad was going to happen.

My grandaunt, who was my grandma's elder sister, was admitted to TTSH on 26 July.

She was admitted due to high blood pressure and other complications. I went to visit her the next day after my CFG rehearsal. She was complaining of hunger despite being on drip. Whatever we said she can only listen as she don't even have the strength to speak.

Those doctors kept taking her blood and sending her to x-rays. And we noticed that there were very few nurses on duty attending to the entire ward.

I thought she would be fine as high blood pressure can be easily curbed with medications. I really thought she would be fine.

I was greeted by a note left by my father on thursday morning before he went to work. Grandaunt has passed away the night before, at 3+ am. It came as a blow and complete shock to me and my family. She was already 77, and was alone with no one by her side. This was what makes my heart ache.

What actually made my blood boil was that my granduncle and his wife made arrangements with Nichiren Shoshu immediately for her funeral. As my grandaunt was from the NS, they insisted that she must follow their rites. They ignored my grandma, who was supposedly the one to make the decision as she is the next elderly.

Imagine my grandma, being 75, had to argue while choking at her own tears, and the fucking couple ignored her without any show of commiseration.

Pardon my crudeness, i'm very sorry but trust me, after translating for Soka Spirit, it was hard to come to face with wad was actually happening when i know all the facts and all their dirty secrets. And my grandma is the most important person in my life, i cannot stand to see her suffer at even her age.

As expected, their side of arrangements were the lousiest and fucking expensive. It was pathetic that my grandaunt had to suffer the chilliness of the mortuary till the next morning when they finally did the makeup for her and everything. And guess what, the tentage was not even up yet.

It was finally up hastily after much pressing, but at the wrong side of the block. What to do. Their effectiveness.

Setup of altar, tables and speakers was done by a few pathetics WDs. I wonder where had all their YMDs and MDs gone to. Anyway, that wife of my granduncle brought them up to rummage my grandaunt's butsudan. They took away the ghz (which was registered under SSA), and ransacked the drawers for her incense, beads, gongyo books and basically everything under their name. Seventh month not here yet and they are already out, wad a piteous act of respect shown to the dead.

Damn thing was that they even challenged me by asking questions like DOB and death date of Nichiren Daishonin. That was the most ultimate limit for me as i have been controlling myself not to confront them in front of my dead grandaunt. I have been showing much respect to them and their religion and they thought i was a useless girl from Soka who doesn't know anything. Hell yes i know EVERYTHING about YOU.

Fucking $1000 for the priest to conduct ceremony for ONE night. And extra charges for dunno wad rituals to be conducted after 7-7-49 days (they actually believe this?) Wad was annoying was that their butsudan was placed right at the end with my grandaunt placed in front. Dead ppl is more superior than the ghz. Wow.

I was able to stay for the first night as i had to fly off to Bangkok the next day. That night was again, pitiful. Their gang consists only less than 20 ppl. Imagine only 20 ppl chanting. Omg.

Stella is super impolite and disrespectful, right?

I DUN CARE.

What is truth must be reported, without my comments of cos. Pls share my experience when necessary.

I'm very very thankful to Jin Haw, whom called me the moment she received my sms, and spoken to me for a long time. If it was not for her to tell me that the heart is the most important, i would have done the unthinkable. She offered me alot of objective views we should have and the need to stay open-minded. She reminded me what Sensei had done in face of persecutions and wad he would want us to do as well.

And Yongjie, my dearest senior and sister in faith. She was the first person to come and pay respect to my grandaunt. She was most concerned about me when i really needed someone to be there and she shared with me alot of her similar experiences.

I'm very thankful for their sincerity. They are there when i need someone, and 2 is enough.

Want to extend my appreciation to my fellow friends from ITAC who came down after the daimokukai. Rena and Jerry to come after meeting and last to leave the wake. And Jianli after he booked out, with his leader to have a talk with my mum. I know she needed that. Thanks dear :)

Not forgetting Zixin for her call, as well as Roy, Wei Sheng, Weizhang, Beron and Ping Sheng for their encouragements. You guys didn't know how much your actions meant to me. =)

*posted on Wednesday, 6 August 2008, 11.55am*